"Mistrust those in whom the urge to punish is strong." Friedrich Nietzche

"Any and all non-violent, non-coercive, non-larcenous, consensual adult behavior that does not physically harm other people or their property or directly and immediately endangers same, that does not disturb the peace or create a public nuisance, and that is done in private, especially on private property, is the inalienable right of all adults. In a truly free and liberty-loving society, ruled by a secular government, no laws should be passed to prohibit such behavior. Any laws now existing that are contrary to the above definition of inalienable rights are violations of the rights of adults and should be made null and void." D. M. Mitchell (from The Myth of Inalienable Rights, at: http://dowehaverights.blogspot.com/)

Sunday, October 21, 2012

There Are Only Three Objectively Bad Things about Sex

Sex is such a wonderful thing, or it should be. If it wasn’t so wonderful we wouldn’t have seven billion people on this planet now.

There are really only two reasons to have sex: 1) to make babies and, 2) because it feels good. It’s the second reason that has led to what some people say is overpopulation—although I think human ingenuity will allow for an even greater population without massive and widespread famine. But I digress.

If sex doesn’t feel good, then you’re probably doing it wrong. That usually applies to women, not that women do it wrong on purpose. And that brings up a third reason for sex, control and domination. Many men don’t give a damn if the women they have sex with like it or not, just as long as they, the men, get off on it. That sentiment is probably more typical than many people might think. And, in my personal experience, I have met many women whose former boyfriends or husbands really didn’t care if their woman enjoyed the sexual experience or not. In fact, some men felt threatened if their wives enjoyed it too much.

But again, I digress. The title of this post is “There Are Only Three Objectively Bad Things about Sex.” So let’s assume, for the sake of argument, that we are talking about men who want to please their women sexually and are as concerned with doing so as with pleasing themselves, and vice versa.

Here’s the list of the three objectively bad things about sex: 1) Non-consensual sex, 2) unwanted pregnancies, 3) sexually transmissible diseases.

Objectively bad thing number one, non-consensual sex, means that the two (or more) people coming together for a pleasurable sexual experience are of sufficient age and mental maturity that they know what they want and can consent to have sex and do so, otherwise it would be non-consensual. That’s pretty simple, right? In the United States that usually means the people involved must have reached the age of eighteen.

On that subject, I ask you this: Why can’t a female of seventeen years and 364 days consent to have sex, but one day later she can? It is magic? Is her brain unable to understand the mechanics and emotional involvement of having sex before she turns eighteen? It is a puzzlement.

Also, most teens can drive at age sixteen. That is a much more dangerous proposition for both the teen driver, any passengers they have, and anyone else on the road. A teen-age girl hiking her skirt up, peeling off her panties and spreading her legs pales in comparison to the dangers of a teen-age girl, or boy, driving on our streets, roads, and highways. Still, there has to be some cut-off point, like in Denmark, where a girl can consent to have sex at age fifteen, as can girls in Sweden, France, and Greece, among other nations. And, of course, it is not straightforward. If an adult, over 21, uses coercion or special circumstances, say homelessness, to have sex, then the adult can be prosecuted.

Consensual sex also includes the kind of sex involved. Let’s face it, if a forty-five year old man forces his forty-five year old wife to have sex when she doesn’t want it, that’s non-consensual sex and that’s rape. Also, if he wants to have anal sex and she doesn’t, then, if he’s a nice guy, he can’t go there. If he does, again, that’s rape. Same with oral sex or group sex. All decisions to have sex, any kind of sex, with one or more persons has to be consensual between all parties to make it consensual sex.

Then there’s unwanted pregnancies. I don’t get it. In today’s modern world there is no reason why a woman should get pregnant when she doesn’t want to … except for the occasional accident, which does happen. Is it just plain ignorance or the belief that “just this once” it can’t hurt? Oh yeah. There is the alcohol issue, with the more you drink the stupider you become. Good guys should never take advantage of a drunk women. Of course, if the guy drinks too much, he gets just as stupid, possibly causing a serious lapse of judgement.

Whatever it is that is causing most of the unwanted pregnancies, they don't have to happen with a little foresight and a little planning. But, of course, that means taking responsibility for your desires and actions, which many people just don't want to do. And, in my opinion, it’s not just the woman’s decision. An honorable and well-meaning man should avoid getting a woman pregnant if 1) she doesn’t want to get pregnant and, 2) he’s not willing to accept his responsibility in supporting and nurturing the child.

There are many different kinds of birth control available to women. Some good, some not so good. Some are a bit of a hassle, some not so much. Then, for those women, and men, who decide that they really don't want children, or who have one or more child and don't want any more, there are two permanent options of birth control. One for women and one for men. For a woman, she can have her tubes tied. No more eggs coming down the fallopian tubes. No more pregnancies. For a man, he can get a vasectomy, the male version of having the tubes tied because, well, the tubes bringing sperm from his testicles are cut and tied, or in some way sealed. Ergo, no more sperm in the semen and he can't get a woman pregnant.

But there is one simple birth control method available to both men and women: the condom. Properly used, it is at least 98% effective. And it’s so simple to use. Here’s how it works boys and girls. Have the guy put the condom on his “willy” before slipping his willy into the gals “do-dah,” and leave it on until the guy pulls his willy out when he’s all done.

Other no-no’s regarding condoms. Guys, don’t carry it around in your wallet where it might get pinched and worn and wear a tiny, tiny, teeny small hole in it and thereby leak some of your “seed” where it shouldn’t be leaked. Don’t use old condoms. The latex can become fragile and break or tear. Women don’t bite on the condom when it is on your guy’s willy—although why a women would do that is beyond me. Treat the condom with respect and it will protect you from unwanted pregnancies.

A condom will also protect you—both guys and gals, but mostly gals—from our third bad thing about sex: sexually transmissible diseases.

If you are not 100% sure that your partner is “safe” and disease-free—either man or woman—then a condom is called for. I can’t tell you how to be 100% sure. You’ll have to figure that out all on your own. But it is better to be safe than sorry. HIV is not something you want, nor, syphilis, gonorrhea, Chlamydia, or a host of other nasty but lesser diseases like herpes.

See how wonderful the condom is? It can prevent pregnancies and diseases. That’s two birds with one stone, so to speak. (How much would it cost Sandra Fluke to buy condoms? Would she need taxpayers to pay for them?)

So there we are gang the three objectively bad things about sex: 1) Non-consensual sex, 2) unwanted pregnancies and 3) sexually transmissible diseases. Take care of those three things then anything goes, right?

Well, only for the more sexually liberated among us. Those who base their behaviors on logic rather than emotion, who know that sex should and can feel good and want to experience as much sexual pleasure as possible and can make room for in their busy lives.

There are, of course, hundreds, if not thousands of subjective reasons to not have sex. Religious belief is the leading cause of sexual guilt and subjective teachings about not having sex unless it is with the right person (husband or wife) at the right time (after you’re married) in the right place (your bedroom—door closed, locked and lights out) and doing it (the sex act) in the right manner (him on top and no sodomy—that means oral, as well as anal sex). If that’s your hang-up, so be it. It’s your life.

For the rest of us, just remember to avoid the three objectively bad things about sex, then have fun, experiment, and experience all that you want to experience. However, remember, there will be times that you will suffer emotional pain. Not everything will go according to plan, vis-à-vis, a particular relationship. It will hurt but you will get over it, hopefully wiser and more careful. And between those times you may find that you will have some really good, really great, really fun and fantastic sex … with one or more other consenting adults, without unwanted pregnancies, and without sexually transmissible diseases.

In any case, I hope so, because sex should be fun and enjoyable. Humans are, after all, the most sexual animals on Earth. But that is a subject for another time.

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